I have spent the last 6 months working on life. Detaching from distraction and learning to take in the joy of being a dad. Or, at least that was the plan.
Hell is an understatement for the way that things have been. Work has been winning the battle for the majority of the Work / Life Balance and the evidence of it’s blitzkrieg can be seen in all aspects of my life. Tired, angry, irritable, apathetic have been the norm for far to long. Not myself, now a mere catchphrase in my common parlance. I. Am. Done.
A few weeks ago, my beloved had taken the kids away to go shopping. Mostly as a chance to get away from me. I had been spending DAYS pissing around the house in a mood of unearthly discontent. Having the house to myself, a sullen silence filled the space (for the first time in forever). My angst boiled over, finally able to wade deep into the desperate pool of stress induced hate that my mind had been filling with for months. In a nova-esque flash of brilliance, self-preservation kicked in.
A new vigor renewed me, flowing though my veins. I screamed. Loud. Like shaking the walls, surprised the neighbors did not call the police loud. My knees fell onto the hard tile floor, and I screamed some more. Tears cascading down my face, filling my beard with the expulsion of kept tension. My arms stretched up, seeking something. I screamed even more. lungs hurting, throat pulsating, heart beating, my soul was fighting for life.
When I arose, it was a moment. A change. Resolve. Life wanted to get back into the fight for balance. Change was on the wind of my exhalations, and a wake was beginning to form. A descition to confine and control was made. A time was set.
With surgical efficacy, I rooted out the distractions, the stress-causers, the time-wasters. Facebook was the first to fall. As the app deleted from my phone there was a shiver. It was not my fear of loss, it was what was to come. Tumblr was next, dispatched easily. Twitter evaporated. Snapchat was deposed of with no remorse.
Focus renewed on my family, the things that bring me joy, and defeating the corruption that toxicity outside of my stream at work has been causing a goal. Time, slowed. Twitch arose, followed by this blog. Joy was on the horizon.
And here I am. Writing. Cleaning up the crap, setting up a landing page, and launching back into life.
Live big, love bigger, and be kind, always.