A Recap: Why I started this blog, and what has brought me to where I am now. (Part 1)

Life is not easy.  This is a widely accepted statement by many which I, for one, am often burdened with championing.  The path that led me to become a husband for the second time, and a father was one that has been full of not merely narrow passages and the occasional stumbling block but mountains that cause Everest to pale in comparison and cliffs that rival the marrianais trench.  I will not dwell on my past, for it is behind me.  What I have been through often causes many to be thankful that they have it so good sometimes.  There are few that know my whole story… and for a while yet, that is how it will remain.  I would like to mention that it is often an awkward moment when I fill people in on what I have been through, and as their tears fall the sniffle out that I should write a book.  Perhaps that is something I can consider… later. Moving on.

I met and fell in love with a beautiful, strong, God fearing woman.  Though a short courtship, we were married and less than a year later… it happened.  Though many tests and apprehension we were blessed to find out that we were going to be parents.  As mentioned, this is not my first marriage, nor first pregnancy, but the things that I had gone though a lifetime ago had eroded to be the dust under my feet.  There were so many things that went through my mind and I realized that for the first time, in a very long time, I was afraid.  After some middle-of-the-night searching I came to realize that there were so many things that I considered as “off” with today’s society.  In reading countless blogs, news articles and books about preparing to be a father I came to the stark realization. It was not considered acceptable for a man who wanted to do the best that he could for his wife and soon-to-be child to be afraid.  Granted, I think that there has been much good that has come from the (as I call it) “John Wayneism” of American Society.  But, I found that I was surrounded by males who were content on just writing the check and doing the time as a parent.  That they were ok with having, what seemed to me, a child as an afterthought in their all too important daily lives.  I wondered what the heck happened to the idea of family?  What changed in this society to make it to where this was the norm?  Then, amidst my wallowing, I came across a couple of fatherhood tumblrs.  Ones that put the heartache, struggle and reality of being a DAD out for all to see.  This is when I realized that I AM GOING TO BE A DAD, and I am scared out of my mind. 

I AM A DAD, I am scared out of my mind, and my oh my the long road that i have traveled.