In the beginning...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to put into words an experiencelike #dad2summit ? I mean, I know that many of you out there do, for we are allstruggling with it right now. Thatnotwithstanding, I am dedicating some time each day to walk through all the incrediblethings that happened over the next few days.
Since this is my first post of the series, I guess there is nobetter place to begin, than the beginning.
I could not sleep. Mymind would not shut off. I kept feeling my heart pounding in my chest, both outof fear and excitement. Three long yearsI have been waiting for this moment, but I was not sure that I was ready. I have been blogging since we found out thatwe were pregnant with our daughter back in August of 2011. I started reachingout because I could feel the fear of my pending fatherhood gripping me withstone cold hands. I found some amazingdads, that are incredible writers, and they helped me. They made me laugh, they reached back to meand checked on me, they sent me messages, and I was a little too much of aneophyte in the world of blogging to know how the whole thing worked.
Then my daughter was born, and the real fear settledin. For months I had been preaching ontumblr that it takes a man to be a dad, and thanks to a new word that we had tolearn, Craniosynostosis, I needed to man up. I started becoming a voice for mydaughter, and countless other dads who have little ones with cranio. Dads who know all too well the fear ofpreparing for a surgery that requires the team to take your babies skull off,reshape it, and put it back. Did yourhearts just drop to your stomach? Did your eyes just get a little teary? Didyou just feel tightness in your chest? I do all of this every time that I thinkabout it.
Anyway, through all of what lay before me, there was thisamazing community. These dads wouldreach out and check on us, they would tell me that I am doing an awesome job,they would let me know that they were crying with me, and they had never metme. I then started hearing about thisthing called Dad 2.0. A summit where dadson social media get together to meet with brands, but most importantly eachother, to enhance our community. Iwanted to go, I felt it in my soul that I needed to go. But, with all of the medical expenses that wehad, there was no way I could justify a trip to New Orleans. Then the next one came, San Francisco! But,my son had just been born a few months prior, and my daughter had moresurgeries on the horizon. I watched thatone go by, but swore to myself that I would do all that I could to make it tothe next one, and I did!
But the night before, there I lay in bed, tossing andturning. My heart was already achingbecause I knew I would miss my kids, I knew that I would miss my beloved brideand best friend. However, I knew that what I was doing was the right thing. Nevertheless, for the first time since I manedup about being a cranio dad, I felt fear.I had grown to realize the power of the following. That many of the names that I have beenspeaking to, following, and trying to learn from have voices much louder thanmine. That my reach was 1/10 of many ofthe dads there.
The alarm went off, and it was time to get ready. I gave hugs that lasted forever, but felt likea moment to my children. I kissed them, and told them that I loved them, withall my heart. I embraced my belovedbride and told her I would be safe, and that I loved her. I was in tears before I even got to the car.
I AM A CRANIO DAD, I am scared out of my mind, and I am notashamed of my tears… ever.