Parenting Lessons I Learned Last Week Part 1
I was reminded last week that I set really high standards for myself, and in turn for my kids. Sometimes too high. I’m in the mindset that it is a lot easier to relax a bit when the bar is too high than it is to tighten the reigns after kids have gotten used to an overly relaxed atmosphere. Granted, my kids laugh a lot every day and they know beyond a doubt that they are loved. I am not a rigid drill sergeant by any means.
My struggles have been more in the developmental categories. I want to do what I perceive to be normal activities with both kids, when in reality it is a big stretch to expect all three of us to consistently do anything at the same time. I’ll start with the smaller individual examples. David will take his plate to the sink or a diaper to the garbage once after I ask him. Great! Then I will congratulate him and think, hey, this can be an every day thing since he is responding so well! In typical toddler fashion, he then ignores my requests for the next three days, and my stubborn inner monologue recites that he CAN do it, he is just choosing not to. The lesson I keep learning is that demanding 100% consistency across the board for him is unrealistic. He’s not even two years old! The only consistent thing he has going for him right now is pooping. Any maybe climbing. I have also learned with him that the final step of any excursion outside is most often carrying him to the desired destination, or belting him in the stroller. My fragile morale feels disrespected when he decides not to listen to me half the time, but the fact that he responds positively to me as often as he does is, I am learning, a huge accomplishment.
Of course I have my own issues to add as well. It is hard for me to stay consistent when my emotions are all over the place. It’s even harder to stay consistent when kids are only consistent in their inconsistency.Enter my brilliantly frustrating daughter. I can ask her the same question four times within about 15 minutes, and get four different responses. None of them are clearly spoken, which makes the true answer all the more difficult to discern. The absolute most frustrating for me is when the honest answer isn’t even in the multiple choices of answers that she provides. Lately she offers various versions of “No,” even when she is in favor of the suggestion. My task soon migrates from ‘what is the real solution?’ to ‘how can I have Zoey think the solution is her idea?’ It’s all a learning curve, but I’m realizing that the time-frame between my idea being suggested, and her suggesting that same idea as her own is about 30 minutes. Enter new problem. Did I factor in time to let the 30 minute scenario play out for her to put clothes on herself, or do I need to force some clothes on her and push a potentially frantic 3 year old out the door and up a flight of concrete stairs to our apartment parking lot in order to keep our appointment? And then, will she be calm enough for me to trust her to stay in her seat long enough for me to track down and restrain David the Explorer? All this to say, I now realize why I don’t see many moms opting to take two kids between the ages of 1 and 4 anywhere beyond the playground alone. I have come to the important conclusion that I need to scale my expectations of myself and our little ones back a notch and expect a less rigid learning curve of all of us. None of us respond the same way to the same situations every day. Expecting that just gets everyone frustrated. So I’m working on all that. Solution 1 - I’m not taking both kids grocery shopping alone for awhile. Solution 2 - Seek out more places with 5-point harnesses or enclosed play spaces.
My beloved,
You are an amazing mom, an incredible wife and my best friend. The tasks that you tackle each and every day an not small victories by any means. You are pouring your heart and soul into raising our children, and doing a fantastic job. Though the may be frustrating at times, our children are learning and becoming who they were meant to be. Keep your head up and persevere, for there is nothing that we cannot accomplish.
Love,
Me