Parenting Lessons Part 2
As I mentioned yesterday, last week was a full week of parenting epiphanies for me. Once I allowed myself to admit that I need to slow down a bit, I reflected on something a little deeper that cut a little sharper in my heart. It is still a really hard lesson to swallow, and it is this: that an otherwise completely capable little girl can get lost twenty feet from me, or even wander 200 feet away, and never have the desire to stop or call for help.
As much as I try so hard to act as though Zoey is a typical child, this has been an important wake-up call for me that she has some noticeable lapses. Three year olds don’t typically have a huge grasp of their surroundings anyway, so it is hard to separate what is normal behavior and what is decidedly different. I am also recognizing in myself that accepting physical challenges is a lot easier than accepting mental challenges in Zoey. Initially we didn’t notice any mental delays, but ever since we made that jump past her 3rd birthday, there have been a few obvious differences in how Z interacts with her peers. Earlier on Zoey was much more ready to reach out to other kids, but already she does seem more hesitant as she becomes more aware that they don’t understand what she is trying to say. It seems as if many are often not sure if she is okay to be around and they aren’t really sure what to do with her. I don’t know how many kids can directly ask what’s wrong before she will completely connect the dots, or when it will matter enough for her to respond outwardly in some way. It crushes me to think of one more element to add to her already unfair list of differences to carry every day on the playground. At this point I think that any mental delay is more a direct result of not being able to learn from her own social or verbal experiences since they are so limited. Explaining on my part is challenging because she will either ignore me completely, or repeat “okay okay okay” over and over until I stop talking. She knows I want a positive response and she might give it, but I never really know how much sinks in. This whole experience has been a stretch for me because I have grown really sensitive to speaking when I know I am being heard. Loving Zoey means explaining things a few different ways with very limited feedback and hoping for the best. I suppose this is true for all parenting to some degree, but I think we have reached a bit of an extreme level here. Again, it’s a bit of a guessing game for me since she is my firstborn and it’s hard to compare generalizations of typical development with her specific personality and behavior. I imagine that, just as now I can look back and compare David’s first year to hers and form many clearer decisions concerning her gifts and challenges, I will one day be able to understand more clearly what it is we are traveling through at this stage. Parenting Zoey has been a huge journey of trust and faith for me. We do what we can based on what we know, and have faith that one day we will be able to look back and see that the fog has lifted enough for us to know that we have chosen the right track. This week I came to grips with the possibility that Zoey may be delayed in ways that are beyond the physical. I’m not convinced either way at this point, but I am willing to concede that it is a possibility, in order that I might meet her needs the best that I can. As with every other discovery concerning Zoey, she will show us in her time what she needs. Most importantly, whatever that list contains, she knows that I will be here with her.