The Long Post, Part 5, My Testimony (part 2)
Where best for us to begin, but in the beginning. I had an awesome childhood, parents that the parents of my peers could not stand up against in value, love, compassion or ability. So many fond memories draw up my childhood. We moved around A LOT, which meant that my brothers were (and still are) my best friends, for no one knew me long enough to be such. Being the oldest of 4 (and having parents that were foster parents to countless children) meant I was able to glean so much experience as a child. When I was 13 my parents filed for divorce. I know that divorce is something that seems (sadly) to be more and more common, so I will not dwell here. I will say that I do not blame anyone for the divorce, nor will I try to figure it all out. After high school I went into the Army. My how I loved those years, and who I became. I met a girl, and through a fun night, she became pregnant and at the age of 19 I decided to man up and I married her. Our marriage was not the best, being young and I constantly being away. We went through a huge number of difficulties that eventually resulted in my divorcing her. As for those difficulties, it is best that I do not talk about them here… though if you really want to know all you have to do is ask. During my first stent in the Army I was deployed and brought some demons back with me that will (more than likely) forever haunt my nightmares as well as forever changed me. I do suffer from PTST and it goes mostly untreated. Let’s face it, there are countless others out there that have things far worse than I do, they need the help… I can make due. After a few years in college I spent some time being engaged to an amazing woman. This did not go to fruition. It was not for a lack of love, or understanding. It was more likely that we were amazing friends that tried to take it one or two steps further… should not have, but are not worse for the wear of it. I do think of her as a close friend that I am glad to have in my life. From the point that I entered the Army until this point I went through so many things, I had way too many funerals and experience’s than one should. But, through it all, there was this one thing that kept me going. There was the fact that through it all, God NEVER gave up on ME. I cannot express to you in the few short words here the hell that I have seen in this world. Though I have gotten much better about talking about some of it, there is just not enough bandwidth here. However, I can say, that through the hell that I have seen, He has never lost sight of me. Nor has he given me more than I could take, regardless of what I thought at the time, I made it. There have been countless thoughts of ending it all, but I did not succumb to them. For if HE loves me, after the things that I have seen, done, been asked to do, experienced, and lived through, then I should have faith in Him that things are all for a greater and higher purpose. It is for this reason that I believe that JC is my Lord and savior. That I know that when we are in the thick of it all, that there is a way through it all, and it is Him. That I am in love with the story of Job (yet another posting) and I see so much that people pass over. How can I know this? On August 27th 2010 I met my (now) wife for the first time. On October 5th 2010 we went on our first date. On March 27th 2011 she said “Yes”. On December 11th 2011 she said “I Do”. Finally, on August 5th 2011 we found out that we were pregnant. Ladies and gentlemen, my wife is the answer to all of my prayers, tears, shouts, and cries in the night. In more ways than I can express. She is my “halleluiah” (listen to the song by Jeff Buckley…seriously). If God can give me a second, third and many other chances, and he finds me deserving of His love (of which I DO NOT deserve) then that leaves me shaken to the core, standing in the freezing rain that is life, surrounded by the warmth of faith.
I guess that this is not my full testimony. But, I think that it serves if purpose. As is everything that I post, this is open to comment, questions and the like.