The long post, part 8, questions

To pick up where I left off… the meat of this dilemma is that I am not sure how this would all work out.  I do not doubt that God has granted me the steel constitution and the empathic drive to handle the things that I will see, hear and find myself in the midst of, all for a greater purpose.  But, the all-consuming question is “Why me”? not in the pitiful, self-loathing, Jonah pre-whale way.  This question is more in the “is this really what He wants me to do for Him” kind of way.  I do not feel as though I would be the best.  My life has not be the most perfect specimen as for people to see as a guide-post.  In-fact, even my brothers will say that they learned so much from the things that I did as what NOT to do.  I know that this is a rather concise and yet sporadic post.  I am at work… what do you expect…lol.  I am going to shelve this topic for now as I work through the last month before my dream/nightmare of fatherhood becomes a reality.   I do thank those of you that have commented on some of the other posts… it means a lot and your comments have been helpful.  Anyway… time to get back to work.  I AM GOING TO BE A DAD, I am scared out of my mind, and I worry if questioning is the right thing to do.