Once Zoey cleared the birth canal, instantly the room behind me was full of people.  They were calling for Peds, the NICU, and doctors.  Little Zoey was taken back to be cleaned up, and as I turned to look, my wife’s eyes met me with fear.  I then see that my beautiful wife has not stopped bleeding.  I was caught in a whirlwind of emotions.  I could hear the doctors behind me talking about Zoey, catching random phrases like “I do not know what this is” and “Who do we need to call” and at the same time I saw a team of three people desperately trying to stop my wife from hemorrhaging.  The world seemed to stop for a moment as I took it all in, things around me were moving so slow.  I was locked in the most intense and fierce eye contact that I have ever experienced with Kati, and I could hear our beautiful little girl crying… and I felt useless.  They stopped the bleeding in due time and they brought Zoey back to Kati… and life seemed to resume its crazy pace that is the fresh hell of labor.  It was mentioned that they were going to take Zoey to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) and a doctor would talk to us in a moment about what was going on. 

I want to take a moment to mention that the midwives and the staff that we had in labor and delivery were phenomenal.  Their treatment of Kati, Zoey and I was overwhelming in all the right ways.  Back to the story…

They took Zoey away from us at 8:55am and rushed her to the NICU.  A doctor came up and informed us that there were some deformities that required Zoey to be in the NICU, and that she would not be meeting us in post partum.  He did not give us many details, and we would find out that this was because there were not a lot of details to give.  Shortly after he left, we broke down.  Even the thought of this moment right now is bringing me nearly to tears.  All I could think about was my wife laying in that bed and our daughter being taken someplace, and all I could hear was the crying of my wife as she sobbed “I just want my baby, where did they take her, what is wrong” over and over again.  After awhile the midwife that helped deliver Zoey came in (I realize now that she was giving us the space that we needed).  Kati was still shaking continually from the delivery, and I had begun to control my tears (okay, I was sobbing like a baby, I have no shame in admitting that).  The midwife stated insistently that I SHOULD leave and go check on Zoey.  Even though her job was to take care of the well-being of my wife and daughter, she knew EXACTLY what we both needed.  So, upon her ever-so-stern request, I was taken away from Kati off to the NICU to go see our little girl.