What does it mean to be a dad: Learning from children.
Thus far I havecovered some rather deep topics. Looking at this like a working thesis wecan see how I am hoping to continue building. Noting that we learn a littleabout what it means to be a dad from our fathers (or father role models), fromour peers, and from our spouse, we are still no closer to depicting what itmeans to be a dad. Not letting this weigh us down (or at least I am notletting it weigh me down), shall we soldier on?
Regardless of what you hold as your faith orbelief, there is a clear and distinct moment where a person becomes a father. For some, as it is for me, it is at the moment of conception. Forothers, it is at the moment of birth. Noting that there are two drasticallyopposed viewpoints that could hinder this quest; can we accept, as a community,a few things before we go on?
There is a moment when you realize that yourlife is going to change. Not minding one’s definition of life, there is avery real impact of that little plus sign, smiley face, or word on that littleplastic device. Finding out that you have a child on the way should spurnthoughts of what this means for the rest of your life. Many, deep down (somedeeper than others) spend some portion of the next nine months wondering.
This time spent wondering is in preparationfor what is to come. During the next nine (or so) months that follow thediscovery that a child is to be born a man’s mind is full of questions. The severity and nature of these questions change drastically with eachsubsequent child, but they are still there. Most of these questions stemfrom the sense of unknown inadequacy when it comes to raising a child.
Accepting these two ideas, we can move to themost defining moment of the journey that we call fatherhood.
After nine months of waiting there comes apoint in time when the wait is over. I am currently reading “Beyond theGrip of Craniosynostosis: An Inside View of Life Touched by the CongenitalSkull Deformity” by Kase D. Johnstun. You can read my wife’s review HERE and Iwill attach my review HERE once it is written. In this book Johnstun hasa beautifully written depiction of this very moment that I would like to sharewith you.
“She screams and grunts andcries. She walks and breaths and squats. And with one final push, a childexplodes onto this earth in a discolored bath of hope. The world’s light shinesinto her newborn irises for the first time. Mom and dad look upon theirmiracle, their creation, and their new and immediate love. In a matter of a fewpainful hours, the future they had imagined for nine months has become present,present in the wiggling fingers and stretching larynx of a newborn. For a briefmoment, they bask in the wonders of new life in the wheezy gasps of theirchild, they hug, and they stare into each other’s eyes, exploring the depths oftheir bewilderment and wonder. Their future has arrived.” (Johnston 6).
Let that sink in for a moment.
Let it reach the marrow, the fiber of yourbeing.
Regardless of your belief, at this moment aperson becomes a father. Why do I keep phrasing it that way, using‘person’ and ‘father’? Early on in my journey I realized (and postedhere) a simple fact, “Even a boy can become a father. All it takes is a littlesperm and a lack of judgment. However, it takes a man to be a dad. Man up andbecome the dad your children need”.
In the days that follow this moment, onesjourney into fatherhood progresses. As much as we would like to think that itwould be a nice leisurely stroll through a bright and beautiful part, it ismore akin to braving a hurricane, in shark infested waters, using a kick board,on your way to summit Mt. Everest, in winter, naked. This is not to say thatthe journey is void of amazing moments or beautiful sights. To the contrary,these moments and sights make what seems like such a perilous journey more thanworth it.
For me, the largest quandary in trying to bethe best dad that I can for my amazing kiddos, is exactly why I am writing thisseries. How does one know what it means to be a dad, until they are one?It is because of this that the idea of learning from our children came into thelineup.
I know, I took the long road to get to thispoint. It is my hope that the result may be full of eye-opening, thoughtprovoking splendor to reward your for your patience.
The simplicity of understanding that onecannot understand what it means to be a dad until they have children is very deceiving. But it is in the advent of having childrenthat many truly begin to wonder. It isonly when we can peer into the innocent eyes of the lives that we have created,that we are shaping, that we are molding in hopes of becoming someone betterthan ourselves, that we can see what affect our actions, and the lack there of,have. And this, my dear readers, is thesharpest of the two edged swords.
In trying to learn what it takes to be thebest dad that we can for our children, we will stumble… often. Though thiscould leave us feeling as though we are attempting to crawl out of an abyss, itshould be a ray of hope. By watching ourchildren, listening to them, and loving them, we can learn so much about whatit takes to be the dad that they need.Knowing that each child is different, means each relationship isdifferent, and also means that we must always be learning from our children. Learning what it means to be a dad, to them.
I AM A CRANIO DAD, Iam scared out of my mind, and you may think that this series is over, but thereis so much more to come.
Cited
Johnstun,Kase D. Beyond the Grip of Craniosynostosis: An Inside View of LifeTouched by the Congenital Skull Deformity. Jefferson: McFarland & Company, 2015. Print. (Purchase HERE)