What seems like only a moment ago, I stood nervously in front of a gathering of friends andfamily.  My heart racing droning out themusic that played in the background.Then there was a pause.  I watchedas everyone stood and faced the doors in the back of the church.  

They opened wide and a radiant cascade ofwinter sunlight poured in, momentarily silhouetting the figures standingthere.  As my eyes adjusted, my breathwas taken away.  There stood the mostbeautiful woman I have ever met, and her beauty has always been more than justskin deep.  

How did I ever get solucky?

On that day, in thatlittle church we called our home, in Richmond VA we recited vows that aresimilar to what many, and countless others have recited before and afterus.  “To have and to hold, in sicknessand in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise to love you forevermore”.We were then charged to love and live together, seeking each other and God asone, to be forever mindful of each other’s ideas and thoughts, and to disregardtheir faults with patience and love. We shared our first communion (we split anOreo and dipped it in milk) as a sign of the beginning of our shared walk offaith.  This, by the way, was the firsttime that we had allowed ourselves to share communion.  The rest of the day was a blur of awesomeness,and we hearken back upon it often.

Why do I share thisstory? What does it have to do with being a dad?  The answer is simply complex.

As husband and wife weconstantly affirm each other that we are best friends and a team.  We have seen, over these past years, whichthe distinct dividing line in our ways of thinking is complementary.  Now, it should be noted that if it was notfor the drive to fulfill how we were challenged, the vows we took, our personalbeliefs… and a hell of a lot of trying, that these same ways of thinking wouldhave torn us apart.  We have also learneda lot about what makes each other tick, and how to tick off each other aswell.  We have learned how we respond to challenges,and what challenges each other is better at handling.  All of this, and more, comprise our innate abilityto lean on each other or lift each other up.

As men, if we allowourselves the moment to be humbled (trust me, this is how we view it) and toLISTEN to our wives, we will learn a great deal about ourselves as people.  We will learn how to be a better friend, howto be a better husband and how to be a better dad.  How? This may be coming from personal experience,but I would hope that it would apply across the board.  My beloved does an amazing job of letting meknow that I am doing things that one day our kids will look back and realizethat I am a pretty good dad.  From littlenotes that she tucks into my golf bag, things that she writes on her blog, andmost importantly how she speaks of me to others, they all have their ways ofletting me know that I am on the right track… and when I am WAY off track aswell.

Recently, depending onwhen you are reading this, we decided to take a family trip.  It should be said that I came home from workearly and decided that we would take a family trip, but that is neither herenor there.  So, in under an hour we hadthe kids packed up, the van loaded and were on our way to drop our dogoff.  Not bad, right? We planned onstopping half way for dinner and in doing so found that the place we wanted togo would be a long walk (long with two little ones, in the cold, with snow, ina major college town) and decided to just do a drive through.  Well, that took us a bit more off route tothe effect that as the sun set we entered the switchbacks, in a nationalpark.  Did I mention the cold and thesnow?  The children watched Tangled as Inervously wound up and down the mountain’s, in the dark.  As we neared our destination the utterexhaustion from the kiddos had turned into audible wines of discontent.  Yet, somehow, we arrived.

For many this soundsfairly normal for a family get away, but I want you all to keep in mind thatthis was really the first time that we had attempted something like this withthe two of them.

The entire night was ‘fun’.Being in a new place is always exciting for children… to the point that theydid not want to sleep.  When they didfinally sleep, it was not for long as one or the other would wake up, in turnwaking up the other, and we would start all over.  Needless to say, there was little sleep.  The next day we had planned to do breakfast,drive around, and then go to the caverns nearby.  Breakfast was a hoot, tired kids (yet in goodmoods because of food) and exhausted parents are always a great combination. Thenwe took off to drive around a little.  

Now, many of you outthere know this simple fact, but somehow it never entered my mind.  Tired Kids + Food + Warm Car Ride = Sleep.The math is sound, right?  Well, that isexactly what happened, but therein lies more of a problem.  When we arrived at our destination we had twotired, hungry, ready for lunch time, ready for naps, aggravated little ones andtwo exhausted parents.  We had 30 minutesto go before the tour.  I brilliantly decidedto take the kids to a transportation museum.Yep, I thought “where better to take these two tired, hungry, ready forlunch time, ready for naps, aggravated little ones than a museum”. Needless tosay my beloved had to dive to stop my son from climbing on a 1938 Mercedes-Benz540K, and twisted he ankle a bit.

Bull-headed I decidedthat it was time to get in line for the tour of the caverns.  After we descended (what seemed like athousand) 70 steps the tour started.  Asit started… the hunger pangs must have flared for the little ones… break-downs ensued.  We called it what it was and I angrily trudgedback up the (seriously it really seemed like there were a thousand) 70 stepsand decided that it was time to go home.

We packed, checked outand made our drive home. I felt like a failure as a dad, and as a husband.  All I wanted to do was get away from the citywith my family and show them something new.I failed to think about lunch and naps, I pushed the kids, as well asthe limits of my beloved and I.  I wasnot mad at the kids, or my wife… purely mad at myself.  Mad for letting everyone down.

Now, this is where theentire story becomes so very important in learning about what it means to be adad.  

Once we were in thecar, my beloved reached over, grabbed my hand, smiled and said “This was agreat vacation honey.  The kids had fun,they were able to see a new place and some cool stuff. I am glad that we came”.

NOTE, there was no sarcasmin that statement, trust me, there really was not.

Not as an act ofplacating, but in pure honesty, my wife picked up on my discontent and spokeout to let me know that it was ok.  Ittook her saying that for me to see that I had attempted something new, the kidsstill had fun, and though it did not happen the way that I wanted, it happened.

I am never shy aboutthe fact that my wife is an amazing mom.To have her say this to me floored me.I realized that I needed to learn more from her about the timing for ourchildren.  As a dad, by watching andlearning from her and how she picks up on and reacts with the kids is paramountto my success as a dad.  And if being adad is about learning from our fathers and our friends (and I can think of nobetter friend then my best one, my beloved, my wife), then it should beincluded in this journey.  

Sadly, this is not theat-all-be-all of being a dad.  But it isa heck of a start.  More to learn, andmore to come.

I AM A CRANIO DAD, Iam scared out of my mind, and I do not deserve someone as amazing as my wife,but I am glad that she said yes to me.