Kicking back and listening to the rain tonight…

Tonight is one of those nights… to be honest, today was one of those days.  One of the days that your reflected vacant stare is what you see in the window at work as you list off to that catatonic day dream state and your mind is filled with illusions of grandeur.  Illusions of curling up on a cool fall, overcast, day by the fire.  Relaxing with a good book or an old movie and the family.  And there it is, the effervescent reminder that I am going to be a dad! Yes, there will be days ahead of curling up under one blanket and watching some old movie, but there is a long road that my wife and I have to take to get to that place.  Perhaps that is why we have day dreams.  They sometimes give us a chance to see how things could be, if we play our cards just right.  They give us the pinnacles to set our compasses by.  It is funny how something so happy and so blissful has the ability to hide the bumps, the rough roads, the storms and the nightmares that we will have to face to see this vision come to fruition.  Are these the same fears that have the uncanny ability to keep me up at night?  Are these storms the thunderclaps that I can hear in my sleep?  Perhaps.  But, when you find yourself looking at your reflection in the glass, watching the gray clouds roll past and the rain fall down, remember.  Remember that this storm will pass, that the road will clear and by His grace you will make it though.  And if you play your cards just right, you might be able to coalesce in the moment that you are losing yourself in…only to face the storms again, and again, and… again.  I AM GOING TO BE A DAD, I am scared out of my mind, and I hold tight to the day dreams as I weather this storm.